So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
