If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
