just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
