Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
