Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
