Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
