Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
