you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i came on her dog
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
