she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
