Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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