I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
