you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
