cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize