I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
