My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
