I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
