i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
