I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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