Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
