I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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