Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize