At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My pussy is not your playground.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
