i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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