Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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