I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
