drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
