I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
