i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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