ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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