she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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