Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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