I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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