well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
