did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
