Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's always time for handjobs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize