all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
