Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
