Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
