Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
