Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
