why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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