I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
