Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
