Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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