Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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