lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
