exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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