As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
