Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
