Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Randomize
