is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
