Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
