hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
