you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
