I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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