OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
