She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
