I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
