My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
