I want to make a zoo with you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
