Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize