There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
