this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
