She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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