Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
