Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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