I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
