The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
