He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
