we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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