My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
