Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
