remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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