How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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