lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
