my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize