it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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