Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
