I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
