I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
