I'm really into asian looking animals
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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