Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
