Where did you get a picture of my penis
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
