just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize