If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
