did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I love having hate sex.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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