Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize