Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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