She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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