is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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