what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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