You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
