i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
