There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
