need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently you make a good broom.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize