Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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