He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize