He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize