If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
