Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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