Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to make out with him forever
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
