Whod you bang
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
