I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
