u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
