the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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