Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
