You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
